I needed to go to Target this past week. I mean, I NEEDED to go. It felt like some genetic predisposition; a Minnesota native who needed a fix. It had also been a month since I was away from the house without the tiny ones. It was time.
The problem is that I must drive 45 minutes to get there and in order to justify the time and gas, I must make the trip as productive as possible. I make a "to do" list that is longer than what any normal human could accomplish. Three stores in 3 hours with many items to buy. I smell trouble, but I'm in denial.
My first store is a success. I make a couple of returns. I browse for specific items. I find them. I check out feeling victorious.
My second store is a wee bit different. I'm feeling the time crunch. I walk in to Home Depot with many things on my list, knowing that I need to come out with a vanity and sink for the new bathroom without the help of my hubby. I don't like what I see. I hem and haw. It culminates with my on the phone with hubby, hunched over a vanity on display and saying (in a not so happy tone), "This is not fun for me! This is not ME time! This is stressful!". As I stand up straight from my ranting, I notice a nice man with a Home Depot smock pulling a huge crate of vanities, waiting for me to move my pathetic self out of the aisle so that he could do his job. Fantastic. I'm surprised I didn't hear, "Can someone help the crazy woman in aisle 4?". I bought the other items and left (quickly before the police were called) without a vanity.
I drove the 10 minutes to Target and went flying inside. I had my OCD list on the clipboard all ready to go - all in the order in which I walk through the store. Coupons were ready. I was feeling great until I heard the dreaded, "The store will be closing in 20 minutes. Please make your final selections....." My blood pressure skyrockets. I had only made it through produce and meat! I went in to hyper-drive. As the lights were being turned down, I was darting toward the checkout. The only customer in the entire store was me, pathetic me, with a cart overflowing with food for the next several weeks. I smiled at the gal at the checkout. She smiled back. I love the people who work at Target. She even took all me coupons. I love that. I still felt like a big looser.
What in the world is my point of all of this ranting? I'm not sure, really. But on the 45 minute drive home, I thought about my freak-out on the phone with my dear husband and I knew that it wasn't about not buying a vanity. It was the idea that so often, "me time" as a parent is spent doing things that aren't for you, or in any way relaxing. I don't refuel from my day when the kind people at Target are telling me that I have no more time to shop. I may be away from the house, but I am certainly not eating my bon-bons and having a pedicure (which, you know, I never do anyway).
Earlier in the day, my dear friend reminded me that we need to refuel daily. I suppose my once per quarter goal isn't going to cut it. So I have a fair amount of work to do in this area. I made the long drive home that night count as I sat in silence. No radio. No screaming from that back seat. Just my time to talk with the One and be thankful.
Last night I had a night out with a couple of amazing women. They are moms, wives, sisters and friends. Laughing and talking with them refueled me. Then I came home to a clean house, folded laundry and sleeping children - complements of my dear hubby (who may have been making up for the fact that he was late coming home from work, which made me late...but I folded laundry makes you forget about the details.....I think he is on to something). I need another night like that.
So tell me, what do you do for you?
